Someone once told me to pick my battles carefully, because sometimes it’s better to be at peace with yourself than to win. I have been thinking about these words a lot these days.
The past month my mental health has been at an all time low. I honestly don’t remember my anxiety ever being this bad. It has made it incredibly hard to keep up with things, to be productive, to even just have a normal every day life. I have either spent the nights wide awake and crying or got some sleep just to wake up at 5a.m, heart beating way too fast, thinking “I can’t make it through another day like this.”
I was in full finals season at university, and that clearly didn’t help ease the stress and tension. Nothing went the way I wanted it to and I can’t help but feel disappointed and frustrated. My hopes were so high and I knew I could do amazing. But it didn’t work out.
I am not sure why I am even writing this post. I don’t want to seem desperate and I don’t want people to feel sorry for me. However, one of the reasons I started this blog was to be completely honest for once about what it’s like to live with anxiety, knowing out there there surely are people like me, people who understand and who may even find some comfort in knowing they are not alone with their struggles.
I decided to write this short post because… well, I needed to get some things off my chest. Especially one: and it is that sometimes it’s okay to give up. Take a step back, accept it’s not working, wait a moment. Sometimes you can only push up until one point, after which it just gets hurtful and useless.
It doesn’t mean failing. There is always time to try again later on, with a clearer and calmer mind. I hope everyone can always have the courage to understand when it’s time to rest and give up. As for me, I’ll take a break for a few weeks and try to get better. I am motivated to do my best next semester, not only at university but also in life, finding a healthier way to balance everything out. I also want to start writing more regularly again, but for the time being I will go for a walk in the woods, hug my cat, and remember I’m worth more than the list of the things that didn’t quite go as I dreamed them to go.