December is here and it started in the best way for me. My parents were away for the weekend, and I was planning to just get a lot of sleep and lock myself up in my bedroom to study as much as I could while I was alone. However, I had a sort of breakdown on Friday, and after crying it out I sat at my desk and rationally thought about my upcoming exams. I realised that despite me wanting to take as many as possible in January, there’s really no way I can do that without going crazy (and probably scoring very low, because there’s just so much stuff to learn I will never have enough time to memorize everything). I figured it will be better to just focus on some classes for now, and postpone the rest to June. I felt disappointed at first, but then I reminded myself that the reason I am doing a master’s degree is because I want to really learn about the topics I am studying, and it would be completely pointless to rush through them just to pass an exam and move onto the next class.
This gave me some peace of mind and when I woke up on Saturday morning I was feeling a lot better, as if a weight had been lifted from my chest. Despite the freezing cold weather, it was a beautiful sunny day and I just felt the need to go out and do something. Take my car, drive to some place and walk around. I pushed away the annoying voice in my head that kept repeating “you must study, don’t waste your time, you’ll fail if you don’t study right now” and took the chance. I was feeling so light and happy that, even though I knew I would freeze, I decided to wear a light dress and a colourful cardigan – dresses are my “I am in a great mood” outfits, a nice change from my usual jeans and t-shirt uniform 🙂
I heard from my mom that a town nearby would be holding a little book fair during the weekend. Part of me didn’t want to go because I knew I would end up spending money – how do people even walk into a book store and leave without buying anything?! But I’m a weak soul and, as you can imagine, I gave in. To force myself to walk and get as much fresh air and sun rays as possible, I parked my car on the other side of town and took a nice stroll all the way to the community center where the event was held.
The ground floor was dedicated to kids’ books. It was packed with families and little children screaming their lungs out, and it was so noisy that after having a look around I left and run upstairs. The literature section was on the first floor and when I entered I was basically the only one there. It was so quiet and peaceful that I could have stayed there for hours. As I imagined, considering how small the place is, there weren’t many books, but it was definitely a very nice collection of titles. They offered 25% off on everything, and when I saw Aki Shimazaki’s newest book I picked it up without even thinking twice about it. I only managed to stop myself from buying something else (there were at least 8 more books I was interested in) because they didn’t accept credit cards and I had on purpose left the house with very little cash.
Walking back to my car I bought myself pastries and sat in the sun eating alone and feeling just so happy and relaxed. There’s something so special about taking yourself out, spending time on your own every once in a while doing something you love. I should definitely let it happen more often.
Although nothing beats chilling on the sofa with my cat sleeping next to me, all cosy and purring softly, but that’s another story 😉